The Boerewors Emergency Medicine Chronicles: The average length of a vagina in Johannesburg....

Saturday, 26 December 2009

The average length of a vagina in Johannesburg....

....is 10 inches....the average length of an erect penis is 8.5 inches...which means that somewhere in Johannesburg there is 27 miles of unused vagina!

Its an old joke...that sometimes feels too real...as the referral note below will show...

Hon. Gynae Registrar

Thank you for seeing this young lady.

She reports that she normally sleeps naked and noticed that when she went to sleep last night that she remembers seeing a plastic top from a hair spray can on her bed.

This morning when she woke up she found that the plastic top was missing and is concerned that it may have migrated into her vagina during her sleep.

I have examined her and there is indeed a plastic foreign body visible , which seems to be held in place by some demonic forces of suction.

Despite my best efforts which have included entonox for her , a bio hazard suit for me and a 18inch swab holder for both of us,I am unable to remove the foreign body.

Could you please take over the further management of this case?

Regards

Lucien de Beer

(She had to have it removed under GA in Theatre )

2 comments:

Anonymous31 December 2009 at 21:11
better than a meilie cob i suppose
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Anonymous3 January 2010 at 21:35
can you write more stories like the one about your first day in A/E when all the consultants wore safari suits and long socks?
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What I do and where I do it

Naturally...naturally... this blog is a complete work of fiction.Of course it is... None of the people (or their relatives) or any apparent colleague or indeed any event mentioned within the blog, exist, or have ever existed. Really..no..really...Honestly..trust me..*right*

If you think that you recognise yourself, -particularly if you are a clinician or an ex-girlfriend-, then you have a narcissistic personality disorder.

However if any part was true then the introduction might read something like this:-
I work as an autonomous Emergency Nurse Practitoner serving a charming English seaside town called Little-Ghetto-on-Sea, on the East coast, closer in fact to Europe than to London.
We treat a wide range of minor illness and injury , with admitting privileges to St Vulva's, the main academic hospital some 20 miles away .
It is apparently one of the UK's most densely populated city's...and fits Littlejohn's discription in the Daily Mail when he says,"most British seaside towns are run-down dole-claimant dormitories,which seem to take a perverse delight in driving people away through a combination of rip-off prices , tatty boarding houses and disgusting food and draconian parking regimes" . It often feels as if it is the setting for 'Little Britian' which most foreign readers will know is more social commentary than cutting-edge comedy.Indeed most of the male patients are typically shaven headed pierced,inked,dirty-fingered,dull eyed ,baseball-cap wearing, unemployed smokers with prodigious drinking skills. The women have a limited vocabularly, ranging from "innit" to "my (human) rights" with not much else inbetween.Invariably they have several children from different consorts (love that word!) and walk through the town talking on their cell phones and ignoring their children.There are few vegetarians and even fewer graduates.

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This site is for entertainment purposes only.

Any patient interactions or cases that are posted here are not based upon any single person ,living or dead ;or any specific event.

Conversations in quotes and remarks that appear to be quoted verbatim are not necessairly true. All patient details are changed to make identifying them impossible, far exceeding the minimum standards for de-identification of patient information.

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