Monday, 10 August 2009

Location ! Location ! Location !

The young man had shuffled into the Unit and declined to sit,asking if he could lie down instead...

"Sure you can...what seems to be the problem then?"

Well....what it is...I was at the beach yesterday with a friend...and we spend the afternoon drinking and know....messing was very hot yesterday....and ...ammh...we had some ice lollies...

"Uh and 'ice lollies'...sounds like the epitome of romance...And?"

Well...we went out for dinner and then got back home and had some more wine....and then we went to bed...separate beds because we're just friends...


"Jah...and then?"

Well...I woke up this morning and found my friend in bed with me...


And she said that I had stuck an ice lolly stick up my bum...!!!

"I you remember doing it?"


"Can you think of any reason why you might have done it ? Is it a sexual thing for you?"

I don't know why I did it....

"Was it because there's a shortage of rubbish bins on the beach perhaps...and your hands were possibly full with bottles of wine ...and so you thought you might just pop it in your bum you could take it home to throw it away?"

NO...she says that I definitely told her that I did it when we were having sex...but I don't remember having sex either...?!?

"Riiiggghhht...well...of the two issues,I think that having no memory of getting into bed with your friend and having sex is probably more of a problem than the stick..."

Yes...but the stick seems to be stuck inside somewhere...I've been to the toilet three times this morning....and it hasn't come out yet!!

So...can you please examine me to see if its still inside?

"Uh huh....that's what you want? Well...let me just check my PDA...I'm sure I have a program that deals with these TAP TAP)...the answer to that is ...umh...NO"

But when the on-call surgeon had finished accusing me of winding him up and had stopped laughing,he said 'Yes'.

Brave man.


  1. i saw a similar patient recently. without going into too much detail, let me just say that i had no idea that a vibrator was so big and, bearing in mind i sometimes struggle to get a colonoscope into the sigmoied and it has a camera on the end and a moving tip, i could not help admiring the skill of this particular patient.

  2. is it true that Er in the uk is now just a glorified triage service?

  3. pretty much.Some of the bigger inner city/capital city Units see real serious trauma but most of the Units that I work in incl in London are geriatric medicine