Tuesday, 18 August 2009

Angels and Demons

The young female patient had two problems:-
firstly,she claimed that her drink had been spiked;
secondly,she had bilateral foot injuries.

She wasn't sure which drink had been spiked...it was either her 10th vodka&coke (which was in fact her 12th drink of the evening)...or if it was the 13th drink she had consumed,a Jack&coke.

(Man...that coca-cola can make you sick,hey?)

Anyway...when she awoke fully dressed , (albeit wearing vomit stained jeans) and in her own bed the following morning, with her fully dressed boyfriend next to her,she found that she had wounds to both her feet.

On each instep,there was a small square wound...a perfect square,about 1,5cm in diameter...and about 0,25 cm deep...there was some loss of skin and the wounds were a little bloody.

She was partial-weight-bearing through her left foot;and non-weight-bearing through her right foot.

She was sitting in a wheelchair when I went to examine her.

"Good morning....what can I do for you today then?"

Well...its my feet...look at them....I woke up this morning and they had them holes in them,didn't they?

"Uh huh...okay...can you please show me the palms of your hands?"


"Well...those wounds in your feet look like stigmata...so if you have them in your hands as well,then I'm afraid to tell you that your drink was spiked by the Devil...

....and you are probably the Anti-Christ...so....before I rush off and phone Dan Brown,I'd just like to look at your hands if I may..."

Who's Dan Brown then ? Yer boss?


She didn't have any wounds to her hands...I wasn't really expecting to see any....but in this town...you just never know!

After a thorough and diligent examination which included taking an x-ray of the most painful foot,and after finding no bony injury,I called the ever trusty Julian ,in to clean and dress the wounds.

"So...Julian...have a look at those wounds...I'm not sure what caused them...could you please just clean them and pop on an inadine dressing?"

Julian looked at me;at the patient;at her badly dressed boyfriend;and then back to me.

Was you out clubbing last night? he asked the patient

Yes...we was at 'Sodom and Gommorah'

Well....I have 3 words for you...Christian Louboutin stilettos

"What !?!"


I've seen this before Lucien...if you have an argument in a club with a woman wearing high heels,she'll come back and jump on your feet when you're not looking...

Julian...my own tame little diagnostician.Who knew?

House : One / Julian : One

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