Wednesday, 28 January 2009

New diagnosis - F2S2 event

"Mr Trousers ? Mr Peregrine Trousers ?"

A middle-aged man stands up and collects an overcoat, scarf, hat ,gloves and briefcase from the chair next to him. He is expensively-if a little flamboyantly-, dressed.He has a good haircut and couldn't be more out of place than if he were George Bush at a Mensa meeting.

"Good evening Sir...what can I do for you today then ?"

Well ... he lisps ...its my finger...its very painful and I don't know why

He then,-quite literally-,gives me the finger,raising the middle finger of his right hand and pointing to the middle phalanx , saying that he has had pain to that part of the finger since he did his weekly 10-mile cycle on Sunday.

He is adamant that he didn't injury it , saying that he just noticed after the ride that the finger was painful... and just the middle part of his middle finger.

Taking a brief social history , I discover he is a confirmed bachelor;likes the music of Cher,Barbra Streisand and Bette Midler;and that in addition to his cycling , he also does Jazzercise to stay fit.

He works 'in the media' at a job that is "very complicated -you wouldn't understand dear boy"...he tells me disdainfully...

"Dear boy" !!!!!"

Good grief !!!!

He is right-hand-dominant, there is no history of trauma;he doesn't have a temperature;and his finger is not warm or red or even swollen.He has a full-range-of-movement in the finger with no neuro-vascular deficit and no bony pain to any part of his finger and hand.

In short , there is nothing wrong with it.

"Right ...well Sir...I don't think that there is anything too sinister going on with your finger..."

Really ? he sniffs , looking unconvinced.

"Yes...I think that you are experiencing what we call an F2S2 event..."

Oh...what does that mean ? I've never heard of it ?

"Well...its quite uncommon...rare even...but a simple condition...nothing to worry about and easily you know anything about feng shui ? "

Well fact my whole flat has been cleared and balanced and harmonised and arranged by a Master Practitioner'

"Good...well the same principle applies here...essentially the energy in your hand has been disturbed...probably...and in truth we will never know why...but probably because you inadvertently damaged the finger sometime in the last 2 weeks..."

Yes ?

"And so the balance of all the 27 bones in your hand has been we need to just briefly re-balance them...are you willing to try ?"

What do I need to do ?

"Well...just hold your hand out in front of you as if you are holding a your little finger out to the you see people doing when they drink tea in an old movie..."

He duly mimics holding an imaginary cup of tea and sticks his little finger up in the air...

" ...does the pain feel better ?" fact its completely gone...that's amazing...

" that about 3 times a day for about 15 seconds a time for the next week and the pain should resolve..."

By the way...what does 'F2S2' stand for ?

"Feng Shui Finger Syndrome "

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