Sunday, 1 February 2009

The famous "two-for-the-price-of-one"-deal

Busy , busy , busy and a very cold Saturday evening and the Unit is heaving with all the Local Yokels trying to get their illness sorted out before it snows on Monday.

In the midst of this we get a phone call from the 'duty doctor' at St de La Creme de la Crazy , the local psychiatric hospital.He needs a dressing done on a one of his crazies...who for a whole load of reasons needs to have a supra-pubic catheter dressed.And despite it being a hospital they have neither dressings,or any nurse capable of doing a dressing.

Whilst this is not what we are here for,we are nevertheless reasonable people...and anyway...Julian was in a particularly smug mood because his new puppy can 'roll over and play dead' why not rain on his parade...lets spread the misery around!

Some time later the patient arrives and is accompanied by a truly stunning young blond female student nurse.

Who keeps looking at me coyly...and smiling.

(Oh be still my beating heart!)

Excellent I think...she knows how to deal with crazies so will be able to deal with me!!

I finish examining the patient and leave the room so that Julian can do the dressing.

And as I sit updating the computer,she knocks on the door ...

"Hello again...what can I do for you ?"

Well...I was wondering if I could get the Morning After Pill from you?

( sex for me tonight then!)

"I'm sorry...are you asking if we have it in stock and can prescribe it ? Or are you asking for an actual tablet ?"

Well...I had unprotected sex last night...and was wondering where I could get the MAP...and as I was sitting there with my patient I was reading the Unit brochure and saw that you can prescribe the MAP ?


" we can give you the MAP...but first of're here in a professional work...with a very troubled young man...whom you have now left unattended...and think that I am just going to hand over the MAP without you either booking in as a patient or without me assessing your suitability to take it ?"

Well...she smiles coyly,batting her eyelashes...why not...we're both here...and it will save me having to get a taxi to come back later?

" enticing an offer as that is for me...two things..."

"Firstly,this is not a supermarket..."

" probably need to save your pay for the taxi to take you to your Disciplinary hearing".

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