...thats what the patient had written on his admission form.
ShufflingBob wondered if the 'Gentlemen's Area' was some sort of nightclub...
...and if they offered a discount to NHS nurses.
It was just one of those days...
I saw four separate patients who all unzipped their trousers and hauled out their...
...oh , whats the word?...
...five letters...
...ends with an 's'...
...ah yes...penis.
And then they were all chicken when I had to examine their...members...
The patient with the cuts in fact had friction burns to the entire length and circumference of his penis.
He happily,even proudly,informed me that he had sustained the burns when he and his new girlfriend were engaged in some boisterous 'cowgirl' aerobic exercise.
I'm not really sure what he wanted me to do....
...applaud his staying power...
...give him a gold star...
...instead I wrapped his member in several sheets of jelonet...
...and advised him not to have any sexual congress for two months.
The next patient had a tick embedded underneath his foreskin , in the urethral meatus...
...the opening at the tip of his 'piccolo'.
And since he didn't have a Welsh or Australian accent, I was curious as to how a tick had embedded itself in such a place.
He said he had been camping...
...and that he just woke up one morning and noticed the tick.
It could have been worse I suppose...
...his girlfriend could have noticed it first...
...when it bit her on the tongue.
Imagine the joy on his face when I pulled out the little plastic veterinary crowbar-looking tool we use to unscrew ticks.
What did Robin Williams say...“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
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