The Boerewors Emergency Medicine Chronicles: Nurse...writer...mind reader

Thursday, 21 October 2010

Nurse...writer...mind reader

"Good morning...what can I do for you today?"

Well...what it is...I've got this pain in my tummy...

"Uh huh...how long have you had the pain?"

Humm...about 10 years...

"I'm sorry...did you say '10 years' ?"

Yes...the pain started 10 years ago and I went to see my doctor at the time...

"And what did he say was wrong?"

I can't remember...but he did say that I needed 2 injections...

"Uh huh...and did you have the injections?"

Well...he gave me the first injection...but I'm scared of doctors so I didn't go back...

"So why are you here today? What would you like me to do?"

Well....give me the second injection of course...!

"Ah...I see you subscribe to the 'better living through denial' philosophy"

2 comments:

Anonymous21 October 2010 at 18:39
'is this the the women that got left on the bed when the practioner went in on overtime?' Vitamin B6
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Anonymous22 October 2010 at 19:17
sheesh! People are odd in that quaint olde worlde place...
Taxi for 1, next...

shuffling person.
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What I do and where I do it

Naturally...naturally... this blog is a complete work of fiction.Of course it is... None of the people (or their relatives) or any apparent colleague or indeed any event mentioned within the blog, exist, or have ever existed. Really..no..really...Honestly..trust me..*right*

If you think that you recognise yourself, -particularly if you are a clinician or an ex-girlfriend-, then you have a narcissistic personality disorder.

However if any part was true then the introduction might read something like this:-
I work as an autonomous Emergency Nurse Practitoner serving a charming English seaside town called Little-Ghetto-on-Sea, on the East coast, closer in fact to Europe than to London.
We treat a wide range of minor illness and injury , with admitting privileges to St Vulva's, the main academic hospital some 20 miles away .
It is apparently one of the UK's most densely populated city's...and fits Littlejohn's discription in the Daily Mail when he says,"most British seaside towns are run-down dole-claimant dormitories,which seem to take a perverse delight in driving people away through a combination of rip-off prices , tatty boarding houses and disgusting food and draconian parking regimes" . It often feels as if it is the setting for 'Little Britian' which most foreign readers will know is more social commentary than cutting-edge comedy.Indeed most of the male patients are typically shaven headed pierced,inked,dirty-fingered,dull eyed ,baseball-cap wearing, unemployed smokers with prodigious drinking skills. The women have a limited vocabularly, ranging from "innit" to "my (human) rights" with not much else inbetween.Invariably they have several children from different consorts (love that word!) and walk through the town talking on their cell phones and ignoring their children.There are few vegetarians and even fewer graduates.

DISCLAIMER

This site is for entertainment purposes only.

Any patient interactions or cases that are posted here are not based upon any single person ,living or dead ;or any specific event.

Conversations in quotes and remarks that appear to be quoted verbatim are not necessairly true. All patient details are changed to make identifying them impossible, far exceeding the minimum standards for de-identification of patient information.

However , occasionally , ECG strips ,photographs,or x-ray images that are of clinical interest are posted and are subject to that particular patient having given me written permission for the image to be published;and no original NHS images or materials are used,removed or uploaded from any of the hospitals in which I work.

Under no circumstances should any reader assume or think that any nursing or medical advice is being dispensed.

No nurse/patient relationship,- or indeed any theraputic relationship of any kind-,will be established by you reading and/or commenting upon this blog.