The Boerewors Emergency Medicine Chronicles: Mother always said that honesty was the best policy, and money isn't everything. She was wrong about other things too

Monday, 18 October 2010

Mother always said that honesty was the best policy, and money isn't everything. She was wrong about other things too

Julian called me to the phone to answer a query...he left it on speaker phone...

"Hello....can I help you?"

Yes....I'm phoning on behalf of my daughter...she's 20...

"Uh huh...well...if shes 20 years old,can't I talk directly to her?"

"Oooooooooooookay"

What it is....shes was having sex with some boy last night...and the condom came off...and she thinks its still inside her...so...I want to know...is there someone in your department who can remove it?

(Julian went all bug-eyed and started to giggle nervously...I just can't rely on him sometimes...)

"Jah..."

Oh...and she is also going to need the morning-after-contraceptive pill....can she get that from you as well?

"Jah..."

About an hour later the mother and daughter came into the department...into my room...

"Are you sure you want your mum to stay with you for this procedure?",I asked as I lubed up the speculum

Yes

"Are you sure you want to stay in the room Ma'am?" I asked as I opened the packet containing the sponge-holder-forceps.

Yes.

I left.

She stayed.

1 comment:

Marie19 October 2010 at 04:44
I like the kitteh.
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What I do and where I do it

Naturally...naturally... this blog is a complete work of fiction.Of course it is... None of the people (or their relatives) or any apparent colleague or indeed any event mentioned within the blog, exist, or have ever existed. Really..no..really...Honestly..trust me..*right*

If you think that you recognise yourself, -particularly if you are a clinician or an ex-girlfriend-, then you have a narcissistic personality disorder.

However if any part was true then the introduction might read something like this:-
I work as an autonomous Emergency Nurse Practitoner serving a charming English seaside town called Little-Ghetto-on-Sea, on the East coast, closer in fact to Europe than to London.
We treat a wide range of minor illness and injury , with admitting privileges to St Vulva's, the main academic hospital some 20 miles away .
It is apparently one of the UK's most densely populated city's...and fits Littlejohn's discription in the Daily Mail when he says,"most British seaside towns are run-down dole-claimant dormitories,which seem to take a perverse delight in driving people away through a combination of rip-off prices , tatty boarding houses and disgusting food and draconian parking regimes" . It often feels as if it is the setting for 'Little Britian' which most foreign readers will know is more social commentary than cutting-edge comedy.Indeed most of the male patients are typically shaven headed pierced,inked,dirty-fingered,dull eyed ,baseball-cap wearing, unemployed smokers with prodigious drinking skills. The women have a limited vocabularly, ranging from "innit" to "my (human) rights" with not much else inbetween.Invariably they have several children from different consorts (love that word!) and walk through the town talking on their cell phones and ignoring their children.There are few vegetarians and even fewer graduates.

DISCLAIMER

This site is for entertainment purposes only.

Any patient interactions or cases that are posted here are not based upon any single person ,living or dead ;or any specific event.

Conversations in quotes and remarks that appear to be quoted verbatim are not necessairly true. All patient details are changed to make identifying them impossible, far exceeding the minimum standards for de-identification of patient information.

However , occasionally , ECG strips ,photographs,or x-ray images that are of clinical interest are posted and are subject to that particular patient having given me written permission for the image to be published;and no original NHS images or materials are used,removed or uploaded from any of the hospitals in which I work.

Under no circumstances should any reader assume or think that any nursing or medical advice is being dispensed.

No nurse/patient relationship,- or indeed any theraputic relationship of any kind-,will be established by you reading and/or commenting upon this blog.