It had been a very pleasant day...
Good staff mix, some interesting cases, some funny children.
Just before 5, 'Granny' the Triage Nurse came into my room and asked if I could see a patient immediately.
The admissions clerk had apparently mislaid the patients paperwork and he had been sitting in the waiting room for 2 hours watching other patients being taken in and treated ahead of him...although he hadn't complained.
Mind you he was snoring gently when I went to call him.
I walked to the door and called out his name...
"Mr Royale? Mr Kir Royale?"
A dishevelled looking man , with a sun burnt face and a happy smile stood up...he was holding his left shoulder very still with his right hand...
Here doc...
A wave of stale beer, pickled eggs, and baked beans with just a tiny hint of urine wafted towards me.
He followed me through to my room as I apologised for the delay in treating him.
"Right Sir...again, apologies for the delay in seeing you...what can i do for you today then?"
Well what it is...obviously...is that we were pulling a big TV through a door and I heard something go 'crack' / 'crack / 'crack' in my arm .
"Uh huh..."
Well...its too painful to move now...
"Have you taken anything for the pain?"
No...I thought I should just come straight here...
"Okay....would you like something for the pain?"
Nah mate....I'm orright...
"Okay...can you move your arm or shoulder at all?"
No...I can"t move it and it hurts a lot...
"Uh huh...okay...well I need to examine you...could you please just take your t-shirt off?"
Orright mate...
...and he stood up , raised both of his hands above his head and easily pulled it up and over his head.
So...full range of movement then...and with no apparent pain or discomfort!
"Okay...pop your t-shirt back on and have a seat....i just need to scribble some notes..."
Orright mate...
"So...what work do you do then?"
Work?...I don't work mate...
"Okay...are you married? Do you live with anyone?"
Nah...I 'm divorced....I live alone...
"Okay..."
Mind you, she stills shags me....
I raised an eyebrow...
...and started to scribble my notes.
Boerewors...
"I beg your pardon...?"
Boerewors...that's what you South Africans eat isn't it...?
"Jah...amongst other things of course..."
Yeh...I had a friend who was from Durban and he used to talk about boerewors...
"Uh huh..."
I continued to scribble....
Yeh....that's why me ex-wife still shags me...he grinned.
"I beg your pardon?"
Well you should see the size of my boerewors...he laughed, pointing at his groin, just in case I had missed his delicate and flowery literary allusion.
"Oy!!"
I rested my head against on my desk.
"Julian....JULIAN!!"
Yes Lucien?
"Please get me a double espresso and a large kit-kat before I kill myself!"
Oh...are "we" having 'one of those days' then?
"'We'?...no...'me'....I'm having one of those careers!".
The patient was still laughing at his Wildean wit.
(And yes dear reader, its all true...)
(Alas!!)
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