The patient was a middle aged man with no teeth , thinning hair, big ears , a squint and an inexplicably attractive wife.
He came in complaining of neck-, and back-pain and stiffness.
He reported that he had tried to get out of his car quickly because he was excited to see his wife (go figure!!) and that in doing so, as he levered himself up and out of the front seat, that he had "heard something go 'crack' in his back".
He came walking in like C3PO from Star Wars....head erect and not moving on his neck...his upper arms tucked in and braced against his ribs...forearms and hands stuck out at right angles...and was turning his whole body around to talk to me.
He was also walking like he had a carrot up his bottom.
A large carrot.
A small bottom.
He sat down holding his upper body absolutely still.
His wife had to take his shoes and socks off as he told me that he couldn't bend forward.
As I asked him questions he swivelled on his seat to talk to me....and then swivelled back to face his wife...all the while keeping his upper body immobile.
I very quickly established that there was nothing seriously wrong with him.
And of course he had not taken any analgesia...and had refused Shuffling Bob's kind offer of mega doses of codeine.
"Right Sir...well...I'm afraid that you have a positive 'Star Wars' sign...."
Is that bad...?
"Well...your C3PO test was positive so we need to be careful..."
Orright...what do you mean...?
"Your are an arse Sir..."
Did you just call me an arse...?
Yerrr....did you just call him an arse...?
"No....I said...'you have ARSS...Sir..."
Oh...what does that mean...?
" 'Acute Robotic Stance Syndrome'"
Is it bad...?
"No...it just means that you longer you walk around like C3PO did in Star Wars...holding your body all stiff and tense...then the longer you will have pain in your neck and shoulders and back..."
Oh...but its painful to move....
"I know...but it could be worse."
How could it be worse...?
"It could be my back..."
So what can I do for the pain...?
"Well...for a start...'don't underestimate the power of the force' ...of the pain killers!"