Friday, 30 December 2011 you could do a vasectomy whilst he's asleep...

To : The Hon. Plastic Surgeon on call

Thank you for accepting this patient.
I have also spoken to the on-call Urologist who has agreed to see the patient when he is admitted.

This gentleman reports that he discovered a "spot/lump/red swelling" on his penis,just adjacent to his foreskin about six weeks ago;and that he assumed that it was a wart.

As he is a long term unemployed scrounger on benefits,trying to gain a place in the England Drinking Team for the 2012 Olympics, he reports that he didn't have any time to see his GP or to attend our Unit prior to today.

He did however go to a pharmacy where he was sold an OTC wart treatment gel;and he has applied this gel twice a day,for four weeks.

His treatment plan has successfully eradicated the original "wart".

Unfortunately,he has presented today with what can best be described as a septic burn to his penis.The diameter of the crater is 2cm with a depth of about 5-6mm;I am concerned that he has burnt completely through the skin and down to the erectile tissue.

He has been able to pass urine and also to achieve and maintain his erections over the past few weeks but is now experiencing pain to both of those activities although it hasn't diminished his desire to have sex with every available drunk woman in the Northern Hemisphere.

Kind regards

PS Happy New Year

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