Friday, 4 March 2011

The Mummy Returns

One of my colleagues had seen both of these children 3 days before 'the mummy' returned with them...because she was concerned that the antibiotics had not worked completely after 48 hours on the "coffin" child (who was running around the waiting room breaking things,screaming and shouting);and that the younger child had lumps on the tongue.

I had had a GP-Registrar working with me all morning,as part of his training to see what happens in Minor Injury Units.
And we had talked of many things,not the least of which was the children,-and parents-, of our lovely town.
He told me that the Paediatric department at St Vulvas is a highly sought after rotation as they see so many children with unique conditions...and we idly passed 10 minutes wondering why there seems to be a cluster of such weird and very sick patients in our catchment area...
...he believed that its due to inbreeding...not consciously or deliberately...but simply that the locals only seem to breed with each other...and some are going to be having a sexual relationship with a distant relative.

Its difficult to argue with him to be honest.

"Okay....hello kids....what can I do for you this evening then Ma'am?"

Well...what it is...obviously...this one (she gripped the younger child's arm and pulled the child towards me)...has lumps on the back of the tongue....and I showed my social worker...and she said that I had to come to hospital...

"Okaaaaaaaaaaay...lets have a look at the tongue wide...stick your tongue out at me then..."

The child just looked at me.

Oh....that child doesn't speak English..

"I beg your pardon...'doesn't speak English'...why not?"

Well they think there is something wrong with this the social worker taught them all Makaton...

The mother then pulled open the child's mouth and pulled the tongue out...the child squirmed and cried...

It was a completely normal tongue...

There....look at those lumps at the back of the tongue...

"Ja...okay...those are taste fortunately nothing to worry about then....since I'm guessing the kids mostly get frozen foot or tinned food..."

She looked at me quizzically.

"So...why do you have a social worker?"

Well...what it partner beats me...

"Uh your partner also their father?"


" are the children on the Child Protection register ? And...does he see the children?"

Oh he sees them all the time...we live together...

"Right....of course you do..."

Well the social workers think that its the best thing...and he hasn't hit me for a while...we have counselling you know...

"Uh your youngest child cannot speak English and you live with a guy who beats you?"

Whats it to you what I do...?

"Apart from the ethical,moral,child protection,legal and financial reasons and doesn't have that much to do with me I suppose...anyway...I need to phone the duty child protection team to inform them that you are here tonight..."


I did.
They confirmed the children are on the CPR because their father is violent.
They were not concerned.

So I wished them all good night and ate my emergency KitKat.


  1. Emergency KitKat......? That really needs a large bag of M&S Percy Pigs.

    What the F**K is Makaton? I have never heard of this and cannot make sense of their web site - sorry been to pub and have a very short attention span. But seriously, 30 years in nursing, 20 in A&E and I have never heard of this nonsense.
    Please enlighten me.

  2. Gosh, her partner beats her and she does nothing. Is it for love? God bless her children.

  3. Hi Grumpy
    I had also never heard of it before I came to the UK
    Wikipedia gives this definition:-
    Makaton is a method of sign language designed to provide a means of communication to individuals who cannot communicate efficiently by speaking.[1][2]
    Makaton has been effectively used with individuals who have cognitive impairments, autism, Down's syndrome, specific language impairment, multisensory impairment and acquired neurological disorders that have negatively affected the ability to communicate.[1][3]

  4. grumpy dont be fascile of course you have heard of makaton.......... its how people with learning disabilities communicate, its like simple sign language. they teach it on cbbcs and its easy to learn. i take it your professional development didnt go........RMN, RGN (where you meet the wife) RMNH and then RM and then off to a/e to do your ALS which is now an ILS and thus you dont know macaton. i reckon you do know about it but just chose to make that pedantic Mel content wiki it for you. Any how the coffin is funny ha ha

  5. Thanks Anonymous....of course,as a pedantic old f*rt I should probably correct your"facile"...but i can't be bothered.On a serious note,before I dated mad Sian,who was a children's OT,I had also never heard of makaton. When I discussed it at work a lot of the younger RN's had heard of it and some of the older RN's who babysit their grandkids and watch CBBC.