Do you know the way to San Jose...

I like women...
I enjoy...-prefer even-... the company of women over men.

(Unless of course I am talking rugby...)
(Or firearms...)
(Or flying...)

I love the way women talk and think and move and laugh...

*sigh*

(Its been my downfall)

In particular I like lesbians.

Indeed I have many, many fine films featuring lesbians...films about lesbians in bikinis on a desert island...lesbian police officers...lesbian firefighters...gym teachers...even nurses...one or two even feature police officers and gym teachers cast-away on a desert island...

Indeed I even seem to frequently date lesbians...or maybe that's just what they tell me at the end of the date...

And of course...like any marginalised group they have specific health needs...

And so,on Easter Sunday afternoon Julian called me to the waiting room to see a patient who he believed needed immediate care...

I saw a young woman with an obviously injured right shoulder.

She looked like Jomo Lomu's better-fed,older brother...dressed in black overalls..with spiky gelled hair...

She explained that she had previously dislocated her right shoulder playing rugby and that she had reached up for a book from a shelf and “felt her arm 'go'”...and that this had in fact happened to her the day before...

Now...in addition to her having a 24-hour old injury,she had also driven past 2 hospitals to come to my Minor Injury Unit! She lives in the next town along called Grinding-on-Poverty,about 20 miles away.

It has a fine hospital,called the Queen Labia Minora Memorial hospital,with an average A&E department...but she didn't want to go there because they had disrespected her on a previous encounter...

Having checked that she was (surprisingly) neuro-vasculalry intact,we X-rayed her shoulder and found she had an anterior dislocation of her shoulder...

*ouch *

“Right Ms Clamdigger...you have a dislocation to your shoulder and I think that you're probably going to need to have some sedation,-if not in fact,a general anesthetic-,to relocate that...”

Can't you put it back...?

“No...honestly...you're unable to move your shoulder through any range-of-movement...I'm afraid that all of those muscles in and around your shoulder have gone into spasm...I'm afraid that I'm going to have to transfer you to St Vulva's A&E...I've spoken to the Ortho-Reg and he's had a look at your x-ray and is basically waiting for you...”

Can you call my friend in...?

“Sure...”

Julian slopes off and returns 2 minutes later with another young lady in tow...she looks like the she played loose-head prop for Free States Country Districts...and is dressed in black battle-dress and sports various rings and studs and chains in most of her visible anatomy.

She strides over to the bed and gives Ms Clamdigger a full-blooded kiss...saliva fairly dripping from her fangs...

(Its really nothing like the videos )

“Okay...well...your friend needs to go to St Vulvas to have her shoulder sorted out...can you drive her?”

Yes...but I don't know where it is...

“Okay...do you have a SatNav of any sort?”

No...

“Okay...well...we have a map...let me show you...”

I don't know how to read a map...

“Do you have any friends we could phone?”

No...

“Well...humm...we could always send you up in a taxi then ladies...”

We're not 'ladies'...we're lesbians...

“Honestly...I didn't know that...tell me...is that working for you?”

"Perhaps you could get a copy of Navigating for Dummies...from www.jou-ma'se-poes.com..."