Monday, 24 November 2008

Buy One Get One Free

Dear Miss Informed

On behalf of the management I would like to unreservedly apologise for the fact that you had to wait 40 minutes yesterday to see me.In fairness though,you were seen by the Triage Nurse within 5 minutes of your arrival .

Of course,the fact that you (and the rest of the local population who do not earn enough money to pay for cable television) ,braved the snow to all attend at the same time-Sunday afternoon,just after the shops closed-,may have had something to do with the length of the waiting time.

And I do appreciate that you felt uncomfortable sitting in the waiting room because the other patients were staring at you...mainly because even they could not stand the smell coming off of your unwashed body and clothes.

And I am sorry that I only spent 15 minutes examining fairness though,I didn't put on the BioHazard face mask until you took your jeans off to allow me to examine your knee.
Boudaecia,the Health Care Support Worker (who was acting as a chaperone for me-because frankly you looked both 'stupid' and like a trouble-maker),sends her own apologies for gagging at the smell when I lifted up your leg so as to enable me to take your knee through all of the necessary range-of-movement tests.

Nevertheless I am confident that you were adequately examined...particularly as there did not appear to be anything wrong with you that a visit to the public baths;followed closely by a referral to the denture clinic;and,finally, that a tube of pimple cream, would not cure.

I appreciate that your knee was painful and that you were limping but this problem will be immediately rectified by getting your shoe heel fixed .Oh...and by taking some paracetamol.

However ,I can only apologise for leaving you so abruptly as I was discussing your diagnosis with you .This was prompted by the receptionist running into the Unit shouting for help because a young mother had brought in her baby who had stopped breathing whilst she was on the bus.

Unfortunately,as the only ALS-, and PLS-trained Nurse on duty I was bureaucratically tasked to attend the resuscitation.This is,after all,why large sums of money have been spent on my education.Of course,there was also a moral and ethical obligation coupled with a normal human desire to try and save the life of an 8-month old baby.

I admit that I was in the Resus Room for the better part of 45-minutes as we stabilised the baby and waited for the Paediatric Retrieval Ambulance to come and take the child to the main hospital. Fortunately then still alive.

I do feel sure though that Boudaecia told you that I would return as quickly as I could to complete your examination. I quite literally trust her with my life and so,-when I asked her to tell you that I was unavoidably detained-,and she told me subsequently that she had,I believe that she did.

So despite this apology,I am at a loss as to why you then re-booked into the Unit,and was then completely re-examined by a colleague without telling her that you had already been examined and that you were waiting for me to finish resuscitating a dying child -particularly as she could also find absolutely nothing wrong with you ?

Perhaps you could let me know at your convenience ? And after you've changed your underwear ?

Kind regards
Lucien de Beer

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