"So...good morning...what can I do for you today Ma'am ?"
The patient was a pleasant looking,middle-aged woman in a cheap security officers' uniform.
Well...its this headache...I just can't get rid of it...and I spoke to my boss because its stopping me from going to work...I'm a security officer at a supermarket...and she told me to phone my doctor... and he can't see me until next week...and then I phoned NHS Direct who told me to come here...because I could be dying...so I came here
"I see...how long have you had the headache for then ?"
About...umhh...3 months
"Right.Three months...you do realise that this is an emergency service ?"
Yerss?
"Any reason you havn't come in any earlier ?"
Well I do work you know!!
("And so-you think that 'Emergency' is Latin for 'come in when ever it suits you!!!!!!!!")
"Uh huh...OK...do you have any neck stiffness ? Does the pain get worse if you look at the light ? Any vomiting ?"
No...well...I don't think so...?
"Have you taken any medicine for the pain ? Does anything that you do take the pain away ?"
No...I don't like taking tablets...my mother never believed in them...
And so the full medical history and examination starts...
"So...were you doing anything in particular when the pain first started ? Do you play any sports for example ? You don't remember hitting your head on anything ? You weren't assaulted by someone at work ?"
No...I don't think that I've injured myself...I think that the pain started when I moved here from Manchester...three months ago...
"Ok...that's good...so you didn't have any pain like this when you lived in Manchester ?"
No...well...yes...when I first moved there I did have this same pain...
"So what changed that the pain went away ?"
Well my boss there sent me to the doctor...
"And what did he say ?"
It was a woman doctor what I saw
"OK...what did she say ?"
Well...she didn't know what was wrong either...but she sent me to get some glasses
"Go on please..."
Well...I went to the man and he said that my eyesight was really bad...and so he gave me some glasses to wear...and he said that my eyesight would improve if I wore the glasses...and that the headaches would go away...
"Right...and the headaches stopped then ?"
Yes
"OK...so why arn't you wearing the glasses any more ? Did they break ? Have you lost them ?"
Well...when I left Manchester I went back to the man and gave him the glasses back...because...you know...I was moving to here...oh...and the headaches had stopped...
"Right...do you understand that your eyes do not actually improve when you wear glasses...its your vision,your eyesight...not the actual physical eyeball that changes ?
Well...HE never told me that...HE said that my eyesight would get better...and that the headaches would go away
"Well...I think that what he meant was that your headaches would go away so long as you continue to wear your glasses..."
Oh...well...HE never told me that!!
"Tell me...was he happy to take the glasses back from you ?"
No...but I thought...you know...obviously...I'm leaving Manchester and so I wouldn't need them anymore
"Well...sorry to tell you this...and I'm not an eye specialist...but you probably need to wear glasses for the rest of your life..."
So...theres nuffink what you can do for me ??
"I'm afraid not Ma'am...you need to go to an optician and get some new glasses "
Well ...I can't afford new glasses...you Australians are all the same...you don't care about us...what a waste of time it was coming to see you today !!
And this is my day off!!
*SIGH*
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