Friday 4 May 2012

One settler...one sosatie !!



Back in the 1990's in South Africa, the PAC had a slogan that attracted a lot of attention...its was..."One settler,one bullet" and would be chanted at every possible opportunity.
The PAC believed that white people had no business living in Africa...and wanted to kill all the "Boers"...

*sigh*

Look...they had almost no marketing budget and a snappy slogan always gets the electorate...
...remember how you wanted to teach the world to sing?

One bitterly cold winter Wednesday morning I was in Soweto monitoring a march by a couple of thousand school children who were walking to the Protea Police Station to present some or other demand that neither side actually took seriously, because it was the process of unlawful assembly that was important and not the manifesto per se.
Basically I drove in a car festooned with stickers saying "WitsVaal peace secretariat" and listened to Radio 702 to find out what was waiting for me at Protea...which was "no one and nothing" as it turned out.

The temperature continued to drop and by 1130 the school children had all gone home...
...and so the police asked if my team and I could go and monitor a gathering of local taxi drivers who had got together to try and thrash out a route-agreement...
...the Police had given up all hope of trying to stop the very public and very bloody feud between the different operators and I think felt that since I was 'white' that my death wouldn't be particularly bothersome to anyone in the community...
...whereas if a taxi owner was killed , then the blood would flow...
...I wasn't bothered...
...I still regarded myself as a practising christian in those days...

I stood at the door to a local church and asked them to place their weapons onto a table and gave them all a receipt...
...gradually I collected a small arsenal of AK47's, 9mm pistols, pangas, knives and even a spear.

Now the only advantage to being a monitor was that the Secretariat provided lunch....
...which for a lot of  long term unemployed 'black' South African monitors was a huge incentive...
...for me, not so much...mainly because I was a practising vegetarian in those  days.

So at about 1230 a car had arrived from head office with the boot full of chicken take-away meals from 'Chicken Licken' and everyone,-monitors, taxi owners and drivers, the Police, media, and various assorted hangers-on-, all helped themselves to a meal...

...and stood arguing and shouting at each other and looking evilly at me.

At about 1315, a 'flying squad' car pulled into the church grounds with much skidding on gravel and flashing of lights...
...a big fat red-faced white sergeant jumped out....

Who is the bleddy vegetarian? he shouted.

I raised a hand.

Jissis man, he snapped, we were told to bring you some lunch because you don't eat chicken!!

The assorted crowd all looked at me.

"That's correct "
I took the tin-foil wrapped vegetarian meal and opened it....

"Ahhhhhh....one settler, one sosatie..."

The cops started to laugh...then the taxi drivers...then me.

And so yesterday I found myself at another church hall...waiting to cast a vote in the local elections.

I got to the venue at 0655 as they were supposed to be open from 0700 to 2200 and I was working from 0730 to 2200.

It was raining.
I sat in my car reading the paper and listening to the news...
The signal for seven o'clock came and went on Radio Four...
...I listened to how people were about to go and vote...
...so decided that I would as well.

I opened the door to the church hall and saw 4 people sitting at  desk...a bottle blond returning officer and 3 nondescript staff members who were either male or female....I think one of them had a beard but I couldn't swear that the bearded person was male. 

"Good morning"

We're closed...its not seven o'clock yet...

"Hummh...well...its seven o'clock on the BBC..."

Not our clock its not...

"Hummh...well its also seven on my watch...and my cell phone...."

Well its not seven according to our clock so you can go and wait outside...

"Okay...well...here's the thing...
...its raining...
...the door is open...
...and its seven o'clock in the rest of the country...
...so if its all the same to you, I'm just going to stand here until you decide that it is time for me to vote."

Well...stay behind that line on the floor...

I stood , dripping onto the floor...
...for about 1 minute.

Okay...its now officially seven o'clock...you may approach the desk.

"Good morning"...I handed over my papers and they started to look for my number.


The returning officer looked at me....
I know you...


"Oh jah...?"


Yes...you looked after my son when he broke his arm...


"Uh huh...is he all better now?"


Oh yes...you did a wonderful job...


"And was I polite to you...?"


Oh yes....you were so nice.


I voted.
To fire her and her minions.



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