Tuesday 23 August 2011

Fancy footwork


Yet another Sunday morning...
Yet another bottle blond, goat-dressed-up-as-lamb patient,smelling of stale cigarette and too-sweet duty free perfume...

"Good morning...what can I do for you today then?"

Well...what it is...obvioulsy...we've been on holiday in Spain for 2 weeks...

"Uh huh..."

And one day I was walking barefoot on the beach...

"Uh huh..."

And I trod on a piece of wood buried in the sand and got a splinter in my foot...

"Uh huh..."

Well...it was quite painful...

"Uh huh..."

Anyway...my husband has one of those Swiss-thingy-things...you know...with the little tweezers in it...?

"A Swiss Army knife..."

Yes...anyway he managed to pull the splinter out...but its been a bit sore since then sometimes...mainly after I've been dancing...

I had a look.
She didn't have a temperature and she didn't feel unwell.
The foot looked and felt normal...not red or warm or swollen or bruised...indeed,I couldn't even see a puncture wound on the sole of the foot...there was certainly no tracking of any sort.
It was simply a normal foot,albeit with a thick heel callus at one end and electric blue nail polish at the other.

"Well...that all looks fine..."

Yes...I thought it was...but I was talking to my sister last night...
...and when she was in Thailand,she got a sand fly in her foot...
...and so I was wondering if you thought I might have a sand fly in my foot...
...you know...they are flies after all...

"Oy..."

"Firstly,she was either bitten by a sand fly...or a 'sand worm' burrowed into her foot..."

Well she had what looked like a piece of red string under her skin...

"That would be what is commonly called a 'sand worm'...which is a hookworm larvae...a sand fly bite causes something much more serious..."

Oh...okay...are you sure...its just that I feel that you're rushing me a bit...

"Okay Ma'am...firstly YOU told me that your husband removed a SPLINTER from your foot..."

"Secondly ,you have a completely normal looking foot."

"Thirdly...there are maybe 100 people at work in England this morning who have seen Leishmaniasis before....'

"Fourthly,- and luckily for you-, I am one of those people."

"Fifthly...I even know the difference between 'sand worm' and filariasis...and whilst I would probably categorise your ankles as being a little 'chunky',you certainly don't have elephantiasis in any shape or form..."

"...you might want to rethink those culottes however..."

"Sixthly...I have also seen and treated 'sand worm' many many times."

"But really....the main reason I am sure that you don't have a worm from Thailand in your foot....is because Thailand is about 6000 miles from Spain."

"Now....I'm sure that Spanish dogs and cats defecate on the beach...but you have a completely normal foot..."

"You might want to rethink those sandals though given your chunky ankles..."



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