I'm not a royalist...
Which is just as well really since there were 8 patients waiting at the front door when we opened yesterday morning.
I am however a romantic...
...so I was grateful that there are some 4 TV's scattered throughout the building,with 2 of them in staff-only areas...and so I was able to slip out from time to time to watch some key moments.
It was interesting to see how much Prince Phillip looks like his Spitting Image puppet...
And Pippa the bridesmaid...Lordy Lordy...six stunning foot of sultry sensuousness in silk and satin...
And don't you think that Ed Miliband looks like he would have been happier wearing a high-visibility jacket and picking up rubbish...
And I wonder if the reason why Elton John didn't appear to be singing was that they hadn't paid him enough?
And that row of well scrubbed choir boys...like a buffet at a paedophiles party...
And by 11am ,some 50 patients had booked into the Unit....including 4 patients seeking the morning-after-pill;6 PFO ankles...none of whom needed any intervention other than a painkiller;4 PFO wrist-injuries who also only needed adequate analgesia...actually....just any analgesia;several old people wanting their chronic medicine prescriptions filled...not something we can do;a young man who had discharged himself from St Vulvas in the early hours of the morning against medical advice...but who was in so much pain from a broken mandible that he was happy for me to send him back;and various assorted painful ears and sore throat...only one of whom met our criteria for antibiotics.
And of course there were the simplee-crazee people...like the 19 year old student with a foot injury...
She had been walking barefoot in a friend's kitchen and cut her foot on a rusty nail...she had a deep and wide, L-shaped wound ,to the sole of her foot underneath her big toe.
I think I need a tetanus injection
“Okay...humm...did you have your vaccinations in your final year at school...when you were 16-ish?”
Well....my dad is a nutritionist...thats why...she smirked
“I beg your pardon...what does that have to do with anything?”
Well...he's says that there are foods we can eat that will prevent us from getting tetanus...
I slapped my forehead with the palm of my hand.
“Oooooooookay...well...I think....with respect...that he is wrong...do you want the ATT booster?”
I don’t know...what do you think?
“I think you should have it...”
Well...can I think about it?
“Sure...but you can see how busy we are and so perhaps you'd like to think about it somewhere else...like on the beach?”
Oh...okay...well what are you going to do about the wound?
* sigh *
“Well...I would like to give you some antibiotics...”
No...I don't believe in antibiotics...
“Ooooooooookay...well....I'm going to ask Julian to clean the wound and then I'm going to put some stitches in...”
Does it hurt ?
“No...the local anaesthetic stings a little...”
Well then I don’t want the stitches!
“Ooooooooookay...then we'll put a mepitel and iodine dressing on the wound...”
I don’t like iodine...
“Alright....you don’t want the tetanus....you don’t want the antibiotics...you don’t want me to stitch your foot...you don’t want a dressing...forgive me for being blunt....but what exactly is it that you do want?”
Well...I just want to know what my options are...thats my right!
“You know....if I agreed with you...we'd both be wrong...”