Generally it doesn't bother me...and when it does,its usually quickly brought under control by taking Fybogel for a few days.
And so...in the sure and certain knowledge that a combination of my colleagues and the patients will give me the sh*ts this weekend,I thought I should buy some more today.
Now I don't often shop in Sainsburys...I am an M&S man...with the occasional foray into the hinterland of Fortnum & Mason...but I needed some basic stuff and Sainsburys is the nearest supermarket to where I live.
Now I do not know if you have self service checkouts where you live...and if you do...if you like to use them.
Personally I prefer them...it saves me from the chore of making inane conversation with the checkout staff who tend to fall into one of two main groups...they are either teenagers who feel that they are doing me a huge favour serving me until they land the big recording deal...or get pregnant,whichever comes first;or they are old age pensioners who can't survive on their pension and who resent me buying caviar and Dom Perignon in such vast quantities whilst they live on dog food and "own brand" orange squash.
*sigh*
I don't have an easy life...
Anyway...there I was this morning quite happily scanning my little basket load...
...Milk...Bleep
...Cheese...Bleep
...Ryvita...Bleep
...Bread...Bleep
...Fybogel...BleepBleep BleepBleep BleepBleep...
...and a message came up on the screen that said:
"Item needs to be authorised by Customer Services member"
What??
Its Fybogel!!
I tried to scan it again....BleepBleep BleepBleep..."Item needs to be authorised by Customer Services member"
Now this wasn't 37 bottles of whisky....I wasn't trying to buy 2000 paracetamol tablets...I wasn't even trying to buy the new Boy George CD...Its Fybogel!!
I looked around for a Customer Services Person but they were all chatting about something on a TV soap program.
Now its fair to say that there is little....in fact...there is nothing that embarrasses me...
...and so...looking directly at the Customer services people who were doing their best to ignore me...
...and so...in a clear and stentorian voice,like Plato addressing the Athenian throng,I proudly declaimed..."Can I get some help with my Constipation Medication"
(I thought it had a nice ring to it...)
There was a sudden silence in a 50 yard radius of my till...
I held up the box of Fybogel..."Price on Constipation Medication?"
Two customer service people scuttled over....
"Look...I need to buy my Constipation Medication....constipation caused, I should point out, by buying kak food from your shop...!"
Its a health and safety thing...
"What...?!?"
Well there are some things that people buy and then overdose on...
Now look...people have mistakenly thought many things of me in the past...they think that I am kind...they think I am humble....people have even thought I am clever ...one girl even thought I was George Clooney....(no sniggering at the back there!!)...but no one...absolutely no one...has ever thought I was anorexic.
So...Sainsburys...I "tried something new today"...humilitation...just what I need from my supermarket...
...I normally rely on the women in my life for that...!
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