Sunday evening and about an hour to go before we finish and a simultaneously sheepish and scared looking man is my next patient.He is ...as we say..."guarding his right hand"...which is very swollen and very bruised.
It is clinically fractured.
A "boxers fracture".
Caused by punching something...or someone.
"Good evening Sir....whats happened to your hand?"
Well...I was walking home...and had a bag of shopping in my hand...and I slipped because the pavement was wet...its been raining...
He looked hopefully at me.
"Ja...Right...you slipped...okay...heres the deal...we're about to close...if you want me to treat you,please just tell me the truth...Okay?"
Okay...
This was his story...
Many many years ago...well 22 years ago...he fell in love.
Happily,the girl who was the object of his desire also fell in love with him.
And they got a little (council subsidised) flat and moved in together and were very happy.
They subsequently became proud parents of a beautiful bouncing bonny brown eyed baby...and all was well with the world.
Until his partner just up and disappeared on him one day ,when his daughter was 4...
(Don't feel sorry for him yet though)
He searched high and low for his child and gradually, as the years passed,he gave up all hope of ever seeing his daughter or the love-of-his-life ever again.
(Wait...don't feel sorry for him yet)
In the fullness of time his heart mended and his grief abated and he met someone else ; and being a simple man with modest and realistic expectations of life, he married her and had an averagely happy life... although he missed his daughter every day of his life...every day of her life...
Every single day.
And he often thought of his ex-partner as well.
(Still no need to feel sorry for him yet)
Bad things happen to good people though and however humble his needs, his marriage failed.
(No...not yet...)
And then one happy joyful blissful golden spectacular winter morning his daughter contacted him!!
Just like that!!
(Okay...you can reach for the tissues now...)
She was 15 years old now and had wanted to have a relationship with her father for years...in fairness ,her mother had always told her that it was she who had ended the relationship...
Her father...my patient...was overjoyed...he felt like he had been given one last final overwhelming opportunity for happiness...
His family and friends and work colleagues all rejoiced with him!!
And then he met up with his ex-partner....lets call her 'Mabel'...and as if finding his daughter wasn't blessing enough,Mabel fell in love with him all over again...and he with her...
(Blow your nose...but still...don't feel sorry for him yet)
Time passed and they decided to live together.The three of them moved in together...but...the big 'but'....Mabel wanted to get married....and he didn't want to though.
She wanted to get married so much...to be seen by 'society' to be his wife...that she even changed her surname by deed poll.
He still didn't want to get married.
(No...still not yet time to feel sorry for him!!)
Now I should probably nail my colours to the mast here and say that I am a great believer in marriage...I believe that it is indeed a blessed estate,given to us by God...
I fully understand why a couple would choose to live together...Lord knows I have lived with some amazing women...and enjoyed every moment of it...well...most of it...there was the incident with the ladyboy...
...but I fundamentally believe that at some point in your relationship....if you are sharing a house...paying the bills together...if you make decisions affecting your children together...if you're planting a garden together...
...I believe that if you are lucky enough to find a friend...someone who likes you...someone who cares about you...someone whose hand you want to hold through all the travails of life,and from whose presence you draw strength and peace and hope and joy and courage...
...someone who wants to be your partner and lover...a strong woman who will help you to complete yourself...
... a woman who will not let you settle for mediocrity...a woman with whose love you can be bold and discover as yet undreamed off happiness...
...someone who will catch your eye and smile unexpectedly and make your heart skip a beat...
...well...all I'm saying is ...just freaking well get married if you love each other...there is also a lot of good financial and legal reasons if the mushy stuff doesn't cut the mustard for you!!
I know a lot of marriages end in divorce...but who cares...shout out for love and optimism in the face of darkness and cynicism....I dare you!!
Anyway...I digress...
So they lived together...happy and contented...except he just wouldn't marry her.
Six wonderful years later ,he has decided to throw a surprise birthday party for Mabel and his daughter next Friday...Mabel will be 45...and his daughter will be 21...
He has invited a cast of thousands...every family member still alive and not in jail...all his friends and workmates...hundreds of people know about the party...and...unbelievably,he has kept it a secret from Mabel and his daughter...
...except for one small,tiny,teensy-weensy,ikkle-bickle insignificant problem...
...for the past few months he has spent a lot of time with his de facto (single and apparently attractive) sister-in-law,organising the party...there have been times when he has abruptly hung up phone calls when Mabel came into the room...money that has been taken from their joint account which he cannot account for....
And so,Mabel has deduced that he and her sister are having an illicit affair...after all...he doesn't want to marry her...what else could it be??
And so on Sunday evening,having spent 2 hours with his 'sister-in-law' finalising the arrangements for the party,he returned home where Mabel confronted him and demanded to know what was going on...
(No...still not time to feel sorry for him...truly)
But he didn't want to spoil the surprise so he kept quiet...
Oy...!!
So she started screaming and shouting and crying and had snot dribbling down her face and was threatening to leave him...
So in a moment of frustration...he decided to punch the wall as a diversion...
Not once...
Not twice...
But three times he punched the wall...
...and broke his right fifth metacarpal.
*ouch*
The first appointment I could get for him to see a hand surgeon is next Friday afternoon...4 hours before the party...
Now you can feel sorry for him!
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