The Boerewors Emergency Medicine Chronicles: Roma

Sunday 14 June 2009

Roma - part one

So being part of the Eurotrash/ idle rich... ie,divorced with grown up children and no mortgage to pay...I find myself -yet again-,on holiday...in Rome.

Ah...Rome...Roma...

Well...thank Heavens for American imperialism...I'm not at all embarrassed to tell you that my first meal in the Eternal City was the from the Eternal MacDonalds...the one just around the corner from the Trevi fountain.

Cos I suppose that I didn't really think this through before I came here but I only eat pasta about once a month and pizza about twice a month...in my quest to maintain my sylph-like figure

(No sniggering at the back there!!)

And,having lived in Jo'burg all my life where there are as many different cuisines as you can think off I suppose that I have been spolit...I just naturally assume that I can get whatever food I want no matter where I am...

Even in "Ingerlund" where I now live,you can pretty much get fish'n'chips with or without curry gravy and as much warm beer as you would ever want to drink jyust about anywhere.

And it is 27C here today...and the only food I could find within walking distance was lasagna or "spag boll"...and I really felt like a salad or some fresh fruit...apart from anything else I am a vegetarian...

(Well...most of the time Iìm a vegetarian...if however I am on a date with a hot woman who thinks that vegetarianism is akin to devil worship then of course I'll deny it and have a steak...honestly...the things you have to do for even the promise of the possibility of sex!!)

Now it must be said that the Italians seem to follow the Pom recipe book of salads... a few slices of dessicated tomato and some dry wilted leaves of something that at some time in its very distant past may actually have been in the ground...thats not a salad even if you charge me

£10 and slather it in olive oil and balsamic vinegar that was jsut drained from the sump of a trans continental lorry...

And so I found MickeyD's...yeah...and in my best Irish accent I ordered the biggest burger I could find and finally didn't have to worry about eating too much meat...

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What I do and where I do it

Naturally...naturally... this blog is a complete work of fiction.Of course it is... None of the people (or their relatives) or any apparent colleague or indeed any event mentioned within the blog, exist, or have ever existed. Really..no..really...Honestly..trust me..*right*

If you think that you recognise yourself, -particularly if you are a clinician or an ex-girlfriend-, then you have a narcissistic personality disorder.

However if any part was true then the introduction might read something like this:-
I work as an autonomous Emergency Nurse Practitoner serving a charming English seaside town called Little-Ghetto-on-Sea, on the East coast, closer in fact to Europe than to London.
We treat a wide range of minor illness and injury , with admitting privileges to St Vulva's, the main academic hospital some 20 miles away .
It is apparently one of the UK's most densely populated city's...and fits Littlejohn's discription in the Daily Mail when he says,"most British seaside towns are run-down dole-claimant dormitories,which seem to take a perverse delight in driving people away through a combination of rip-off prices , tatty boarding houses and disgusting food and draconian parking regimes" . It often feels as if it is the setting for 'Little Britian' which most foreign readers will know is more social commentary than cutting-edge comedy.Indeed most of the male patients are typically shaven headed pierced,inked,dirty-fingered,dull eyed ,baseball-cap wearing, unemployed smokers with prodigious drinking skills. The women have a limited vocabularly, ranging from "innit" to "my (human) rights" with not much else inbetween.Invariably they have several children from different consorts (love that word!) and walk through the town talking on their cell phones and ignoring their children.There are few vegetarians and even fewer graduates.

DISCLAIMER

This site is for entertainment purposes only.

Any patient interactions or cases that are posted here are not based upon any single person ,living or dead ;or any specific event.

Conversations in quotes and remarks that appear to be quoted verbatim are not necessairly true. All patient details are changed to make identifying them impossible, far exceeding the minimum standards for de-identification of patient information.

However , occasionally , ECG strips ,photographs,or x-ray images that are of clinical interest are posted and are subject to that particular patient having given me written permission for the image to be published;and no original NHS images or materials are used,removed or uploaded from any of the hospitals in which I work.

Under no circumstances should any reader assume or think that any nursing or medical advice is being dispensed.

No nurse/patient relationship,- or indeed any theraputic relationship of any kind-,will be established by you reading and/or commenting upon this blog.