The patient was a nice enough eight year old boy...a snotty nose , a quiet smile, he looked a little hot and bothered but was sitting quietly playing some game on an iPad.
His mother was dressed in a kaftan, was wearing sandals (in the snow) and had enough beads and bangles to enable her to trade with a hitherto undiscovered Amazonian tribe...
"Right, what can I do for you today then?"
Well what it is...obviously...he has a rash...it started on Good Friday...
"Okay...well I'll have a look at that in a minute then...is he otherwise fit and well and healthy?"
"He's not diabetic or epileptic or asthmatic?"
"Does he take any medicines on a daily basis, for any reason, medical or otherwise?"
No...we don't believe in medicines...
"Has he had all of his vaccinations then?"
No...they cause autism you know....!! she sneered.
She looked at me like I was an idiot so I decided to return the compliment.
"Well....actually...they don't cause autism...that was a bizarre theory published in one English medical journal which was discredited almost immediately...and which the rest of the world didn't pay any attention too..."
Well he's my child and I'll decide what chemicals will go into his body...!!!
Just tell me whats wrong with him if you know!!!
"Okay young man...please pull up your shirt and let me have a look at this rash of yours then..."
Well...do you know whats wrong with him ?? she sneered.Again.
"Yes...he has measles..."
At that point the mother fainted, fell to the floor and lacerated her scalp.
Lucien - One : idiot mother - Nil