Chock full o'nuts

So there I was today working with a GP as part of a practical portfolio I need to complete...the idea is that the doctor watches me examine a patient,arrive at a diagnosis...(or 'clinical impression' in new speak)...and then present a treatment plan...

...its tiresome for both participants although I suppose it gives the patients a a fighting chance...

...my mentor is a little strange...

The patient I had just seen had intermittent pain to his neck and shoulders for 3 months...with no history of trauma, with nothing in his history to suggest any thing sinister or weird ,absolutely no Red Flags of any sort, and not likely to need an MRI or a surgical intervention.

He had of course not taken any analgesia of any description in the entire 3 months except of course for copious amounts of alcohol.

I had suggested that he take some analgesia...and see a physio or chiropractor for some range-of-movement physical therapy.

I sat finishing my notes...

"So...doccie...I don't know if you make many referrals to the chiropractors at all but I find them useful for this type of non specific back and neck pain...?"

No I don't waste my time referring patients with back pain to anybody...

*Uh huh*

"Okay...were you happy with my plan that he comes back to see you if he's not getting any better in a few weeks?"

Yes...

"As long as he doesn't come back sooner as a quadriplegic from the neck manipulation of course...!!"

Yes...maybe he'll be transformed into a toad...

*Say what?*

And his children will bring him in holding him in their hand and ask me to turn him back into a man...

...and they'll want me to lick the toad...

...would you lick a toad...?

*What?*

Do you believe that fairystories are real...?

"No...I don't think that they are based on real life events...although I used to think that they are a form of social archaeology..."

No...think about it...Socrates was asked if he knew anything and he said that all he knows is that the legends were true...

*Oy*

And did you see the story about the 2 Satanist lesbian Goths who were cannibals like in a fairy story...?

"Ah...no....I don't think that The Times covered that story..."

Yes...believe me...the fairy tales are all true...everything else is rubbish...

"Really...?"

Yes...science...Rubbish!!

...the Bible...Rubbish!!

...the Koran...Rubbish!!

...geology...its all rubbish...just believe in the fairy tales...

And this guy is my mentor...

I wrote a prescription for valium...

...for myself...

...and a Taser for him.