Quickly swallowing a mouthful of cold coffee, I glanced at the computer screen to see what ShufflingBob had decided was wrong with the next patient to be seen...his triage notes are often the highlight of an otherwise depressing day.
He had written :- Doing karate,Patient accidentally kicked a wall = swelling + bruising + deformity R great toe.
I opened the door and stuck my head into the waiting room...
"Mr Sulin ? Mr Ian Sulin?"
An expensively dressed, well scrubbed,pink cheeked and cheerful young man waved and stood up and slowly...limpimg...folllowed me into the Unit.
"Would you like a wheelchair Sir?"
No....I'm good thanks...
"You sure...its quite far to my room...about 500m...and there's a little bridge...a water feature...the gnomes can be quite vicious this time of year..."
No....I'm okay to limp if you don't mind waiting?
"Wellllllllll...they pay me by the patient, not by the hour..."
Finally he sat down breathing a sigh of relief.
"So...my name is Lucien....what can I do for you today?"
Well...its my toe...but can I just say how nice it is to see you again...
(Huh...? I'm sure Bob didn't think the patient was confused or mad)
"Jahhhhh....?"
Yes....you saw me about three years ago when I had the flu...
"Jahhhhh....?"
I was really sick and my sugars were all over the place...I'm diabetic remember...?
"Jahhhhh....?"
And when I told you that I was commuting to London every day, for about an hour on the train both ways,-to my job as a banker-,you suggested that I move to London to avoid having people cough and spit over me for two hours a day,five days a week...!
"Jahhhhh....?"
Well....I took your advice...I bought a flat...and I stay in London all week and just come home at the weekend...
"Jahhhhh....?"
Well...I haven't so much as had a cold in the last three years...never mind the flu...and even my sugars have settled down....
"Jahhhhh....?"
I'm so much better...thank you
(Good grief!)
"Well...I'm glad that all worked out for you...whilst we're on the subject of health, can I interest you in subscribing to my weekly TopHealthTips email?"
How much is it...?
"£50 a month..."
Sure...I'd be glad to subscribe...
Note to self...Immediately start a TopHealthTips email.
So there you are....the cure for the common cold..."move to London".
Or maybe its..."don't travel on trains with poor people."
Hummh...actually...maybe its ..."don't live in Crapton-on-Sea."
Maybe its simply..."avoid poor people."
Darn...back to the research lab then...pity as I could really have done with the $1 million Nobel Prize money.
His toe wasn't broken.
"You sure...its quite far to my room...about 500m...and there's a little bridge...a water feature...the gnomes can be quite vicious this time of year..."
ReplyDeleteBrilliant.