So up early today to schlep off to another God-forsaken part of this vast Isle of ours,to do some freelance lecturing...which I do from time to time since I found that I had inadvertently emigrated to Povertyland a few years ago when I wasn't paying attention.
So up at silly o'clock this morning and on the first train (at 06H08) for an hour and half...then a 20 minute wait in a draughty station where a cardboard beaker of alleged coffee costs the price of a small house in Africa...and onto a second...smaller...dirtier...smellier commuter service to the decaying town of choice for today.
It goes without saying really that the heaters were not working on either train...and that the public toilets had been locked at both railway stations...fortunately my full bladder did provide some warmth.
So by 0815 ,on the second train, I was alone in the train carriage,dozing fitfully,spread across two seats,legs jerking occasionally as I dreamt of happier places to be,with today's (partially read) copy of the "Times" on the seat next to me.
The train shuddered to a stop at some cold and distant doorway to Hell and I was conscious of some of new passengers getting into my carriage...
...of a young man...
...who looked like Hagrid...
...on dress-down-Friday...
...combined with a bad-hair day...
...followed by two alleged female passengers...
...both also having a 'bad-face day'...
...and as he loped past my set of seats...
...he reached down and grabbed...nay...stole...my newspaper...
...and then continued on down the train followed by two women..
(Now its fair to say that I have very little joy or happiness in my life at the moment...and my daily copy of the Times is the single biggest pleasure I have...)
"HEY!! BUDDY!! What are you doing with my paper?"
He ignored me and continued down the train.
I jumped up and shouted again...
"HEY!! ASSHOLE!!"
He continued to ignore me.
I pushed past the two women and grabbed his shoulder and pulled him around to face me...
...panic stricken he threw his arms up in front of his head...
...his unibrow performed a 'WTF" movement...
"Hey...buddy...what do you mean by just stealing my newspaper from my seat???"
He looked at me blankly.
One of the women pulled on my arm...
"Right...okay...but still...why did he steal my paper?"
She 'signed' to him...well...she waved her hands around and then pointed at me and waved her fingers...even I know the international gesture for "wanker".
He says he's sorry...
...and he wants you to apologise for grabbing him...
"What!!?? He steals my paper and then wants an apology?? Is he nuts??"
No...he's deaf...he was born like that...
"Born deaf...or born rude?"
Well...he can't help being deaf you know!!
"Listen...every one has the right to be stupid but tell him that he's abusing the privilege!"
But...in the end...what are you going to do?
Even I can't ethically or morally punch a stupid person.
And fortunately I have already lowered my expectations of life to the point where they've been already met just by me waking up in the morning.
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