Tuesday, 31 August 2010

Man down!

Sunday morning and Chakalaka,another South African nurse,was working in the room next to me.
Her patient had a dental abscess.I know this because she discussed the antibiotic choices with me as her patient was allergic to penicillin.

I heard her return to her room with the antibiotics.


Lucien....come here please!!

I found her standing at the door to her room,looking down on her patient who was lying face down on the floor,his arms stretched out in front if him,as if he had surrendered.

he just lay there...but breathing freely and easily...I hoped.

Hey...Baba...get up!! demanded Chakalaka,forgetting for the moment that she was in England and that the patient wasn't Zulu.

"You alright there, are you Sir?"


Chakalaka looked at me.
I looked back at her.
We both looked at the patient.

RudeBottleBlonde the triage nurse,walking back from her 15th cigarette break of the morning,saw the patient lying on the floor and screamed...
...Should I call a resus?????
The other nurses came running...

Chakalaka looked at me.
I looked back at her.
We both looked at RudeBottleBlonde.
We both looked back at the patient.


"Okay Sir...you need to get up off of the floor please..."

I don't want too...its comfortable down here...leave me alone!

Eish Lucien...I can't deal with this man...I'm going to get a cup of tea for my nerves...
Please get rid of him for me...
Eish...these crazy people...!!

"Okay Sir...look..you really need to get up off of the floor and go home...
...firstly,you're making the place look untidy...
...secondly,the cleaners haven't washed the floors yet...
...thirdly,you're scaring the Poms...
...fourthly...Mecca is in the other direction"

He just lay there.

I'm comfortable here...I don't want to move....my face hurts too much...

"I understand that Sir...but why don't you want to lay on the bed...better yet...why don't you want to lay on your own bed...at home?"

My wife won't let me...please let me just lie here...

"Look...buddy...get up off the floor or I'm going to fetch your wife..."

(No...Not the wife...)

His wife looked like a Fijian rugby international and was tiredly watching their 2 toddlers methodically and enthusiastically demolish the children's waiting room.
She stomped into the Unit,with the toddlers jogging behind her.

What's he doing on the floor?

"Well...he's comfortable there and wants to stay there till the pain goes.He said that you won't let him lay down at home..."

You idiot...how stupid are you???
Don't I have enough to do without having to deal with your juvenile rubbish as well???

UglyJulie made the mistake of sniggering...

What are you laughing about???
Its alright for you...you don't have to live with him!!!

Sheepishly he lifted himself from the floor,apologised to us and meekly followed his wife and children out of the Unit.
Even through 2 sets of fire doors we could hear her berating him.

I remember my ex wife saying: Women don't make fools of men-most men are the 'do-it-yourself' types.


1 comment:

  1. Loved the post - could just imagine Chakalaka ... completely bemused, still at least the wife sorted him out and didn't have a go at you.

    Glad you are posting more regularly again, love these little vignettes, having spent more time than desirable in hospital (as a patient) recently it is reassuring to know that there are weirdo's everywhere and they don't just seek me out!!!