Friday, 17 July 2009

Dr Feelgood and his magical prescription pad

So this young woman comes in , in the process of experiencing an allergic reaction to Suboxone,a drug that is used to treat opiate addiction . She had just taken her second dose in an attempt to wean herself off of codeine.

After pumping her full of anti-histamines and steroids,I also decided to give her a nebuliser,as she was asthmatic and was having a slight bronchospasm.Whilst she was sucking the salbutamol,her partner was talking to me ,busily trying to excuse her addiction.

(I have no time for addicts...or their pathetic lies and excuses and lifestyles...perhaps one day the Human Genome project will find a gene that predisposes people to destructive addictive behaviour...and when it does...well...bite me!!)

It all the doctors fault!!

"Uh huh...does he come over to your house and shovel the tablets down her throat then?"

"So why is it his fault then...and not hers?"

Well...she is getting 900 codeine tablets a month from him...and has been for eight years!

Say what!!!

This guy is prescribing 900 x 30mg-tablets...every month for this patient...for her back ache!!

And she gets them for about £7-10 per month from a nice clean well lit wouldn't even be bothered to try and score some free-market pharmaceuticals on the street would you?

Good grief...I can't eat 900 M&M's in a month!!And I love M&M's!!

Honestly...if you really...really thought that your patient required that much codeine for a back ache,wouldn't you at least send her for an x-ray...even a physio assessment perhaps?

So...for 10 points...which of the following explains the GP's prescribing habits
  1. he is bored
  2. he is venial
  3. he doesn't care any more since the Labour Party locked him into a fat-cat contract that really only requires him to pitch up at work every day and send everything to the teaching hospital
  4. he doesn't look at the repeat-prescriptions handed to him by his staff on a daily basis before signing them because it interferes with his golf tee off time
  5. he hasn't bought any drug-tracking software
  6. he is bribing the regulatory authorities
  7. he is getting sexual favours from the patient...and all the others
  8. And is therefore chronically exhausted

  9. all of the above

Answers on a postcard to the Chief Medical Officer...

Image from -Royalty free- as usual

1 comment:

  1. do you think the south africans are the best at trauma or the isralis?