Wednesday, 10 June 2009

Don't talk if your mouth is full !!

The first patient of the day,looking fearful and apprehensive ,was a shaven-head, muscle-bound steroid gorilla...

His arms and chest were so overdeveloped that he needed a stick to scratch his nose...don't ask me how he wipes his bum because you just don't want to know!!

He walked into the Unit with that idiosyncratic mincing manner of the power-lifter,partly due to preening self-aggrandisement;partly due to the fact that his thighs were simply too large to get past each other when he walked with a normal gait.

"Good morning Sir...what can I do for you today then?"

Well...what it is ...obviously...I been bitten

"Right...okay...lets have a look then."

Well...I'd prefer not to have to show you...

"Uh huh...well...I'd prefer to be at home in bed with Pamela Anderson...but since I'm being paid to sit here and wear a scrub suit...and you've booked in as a patient...well...we're just going to have to do the whole 'show-and-tell' thing..."

Well...I was having sex last night...with my girlfriend...and she bit me...

"Okay...lets have a look and a feel then...please take your trousers off and lie down on the bed Sir"

He dropped his track suit pants...and no surprise...wasn't wearing any underpants...and held his hand over his rapidly shrinking member.

I slapped on some gloves,and maneuvered the examination light into position,flooding his groin in bright light...there was no where to hide!!

"Julian...could I get some tweezers please?"

(Now naturally,I didn't really need forceps...but sometimes God gives you an opportunity that you just have to use.)

I unwrapped the blue plastic forceps and advanced on the patient,who tried to melt into the mattress...I fiddled with the light for a few moments and then asked Julian for a magnifying glass...

Sure enough,his penis bore clear evidence of having been bitten...even perhaps having been chewed...

"Right...after you were bitten...were you able to regain and then maintain an erection until you reached a satisfactory apogee and payoff was achieved?"


"Did it all work okay afterwards?"


"And you have no problem passing urine?"


"Right...well I see that Julian has already done a urine dipstick test and that its clear so we can assume that there's no real problem...nothing to worry about ..."

So what can you do for me ?

"Julian...could you please get me some plastic suction tubing?"

'How big a piece do you need?'

I waved my little finger at him.

I cut the piece of thick clear plastic tubing in half,-horizontally-,effectively ending up with two gum guards.

"There you go Sir...get your girlfriend to pop those over her teeth the next time you're settling down for a night of carnal knowledge together and you shouldn't have this problem again..."

I suppose you think you're funny??

"Honestly Sir...we're not laughing at you...we're laughing with you...You have a nice day now Sir...somewhere else."

1 comment:

  1. "I suppose you think you're funny??"

    Personally, I think you're bloody hilarious!