A beautiful crisp spring morning and the patients are queuing at 0730 for our 08H00 opening.
My first patient of the day just looks ...well...crazy...there's simply no other way of phrasing that...
"Good morning...what can I do for you today?"
Its the snakes...can you get rid of them for me...?
"Humm...what snakes?"
Well...in summer...about 10 years ago...there was a dead adder in the garden...
"Yerss...?"
And it was covered in gnats...and when I went to look at it,the gnats all flew off and got stuck in my hair...
"Jah...and this was 10 years ago?...so whats the problem today then?"
Well...the gnats laid eggs...and the eggs have hatched...I can feel them under my skin...
"So...you feel like you have gnats flying or crawling around under your skin???"
No...no...don't be silly...not gnats...ADDERS...the gnats laid adder eggs under my skin and they've hatched...and the snakes are crawling around inside of me...its been like this for weeks now...
*Lordy Lordy...10 minutes into the day and already I've lost the will to live*
"Okay ma'am...take these anti-histamine tablets...and if you don't feel better by tomorrow morning then make an urgent appointment to see your GP..."
How do I set my stethoscope to 'stun' ?
If you figure out the stun setting on your stethoscope, send me one please! I could do with it in Sense-of-Humour-Bypass-Vale, or just next door in You-Foreigners!-Heath ...
ReplyDeleteoh my soul, what a nutcase! i sympathise... my first patient on easter monday was a somalian lady who has been in ireland for 5 years, speaks no english, has never registered with a gp, and was complaining of 'weakness' since 2007. on further enquiry it appeared that she had some symptoms of PUD, but when offered a trial of PPI's, refused the same, as 'they're too expensive'. now WHAT exactly would you like me to do??
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