We have a flexible working-hours plan at the Unit where I work...provided we work 37,5 hours a week there are a variety of shift patterns available...and so I do three "Long Days" a week , working from 0800 until 2200...which entitles me to 4 days off.
Which is great because it gives me a lot of free time to...well...work somewhere else to make a living wage - I mean...there's all this talk about a recession , but honestly...have you seen the price of lobster ? And don't get me started on the price of Business Class seats !!
For all sorts of reasons I tend to work every Saturday and Sunday...and so Monday is my 'day of rest' - I try to just have a day of relaxation...reading the papers,catching up on the various Journals,thinking profound thoughts , waxing my legs...
But yesterday the Duty manager phoned at 1700 and begged me to come in and work some hours...any hours...because there was a three-and-a-half hour wait with 37 patients still to be seen.And by law,we are required to see ,treat and discharge patients within four hours.
Which is great because it gives me a lot of free time to...well...work somewhere else to make a living wage - I mean...there's all this talk about a recession , but honestly...have you seen the price of lobster ? And don't get me started on the price of Business Class seats !!
For all sorts of reasons I tend to work every Saturday and Sunday...and so Monday is my 'day of rest' - I try to just have a day of relaxation...reading the papers,catching up on the various Journals,thinking profound thoughts , waxing my legs...
But yesterday the Duty manager phoned at 1700 and begged me to come in and work some hours...any hours...because there was a three-and-a-half hour wait with 37 patients still to be seen.And by law,we are required to see ,treat and discharge patients within four hours.
And so at 1730 I found myself looking out at the waiting room from hell...
Of the 12 patients that I saw between 1730 and 2030 , only three actually needed to be seen.
First off there was the 'usual' daily quota of the three EU-immigrant families who accused me of being racist/uncaring/islamophobe/Australian/running-dog-capitalist-pig/fat because I declined to prescribe antibiotics for their viral illness...and all three families had of course seen their own doctor that same afternoon, and all three doctors had also refused to give them any antibiotics...
Then there were the PFO's ...who had sprained some part of their anatomy,-mostly ankles-, at some point during a weekend of excess and mayhem and who were all convinced had sustained major,life threatening fractures...despite in all cases, dancing the night away on Saturday and Sunday.
My final patient though was a gentleman with a headache.
Now...like most people who work in Emergency departments , I am always cautious about unexplained headaches in an otherwise fit , well and healthy person, particularly those whose headaches are not relieved by normal analgesia.
"Mr Brook? Mr Donny Brook?"
About time mate...I've been waiting two hours to see you...
"Sorry about that Sir...so what can I do for you tonight then ?"
Well...obviously...I was walking past the building on my way to the boxing club...saw the lights on...and thought that I would come in and get my headache sorted out...
"Right...so...how long have you had the headache for then ?"
About...humm...six months...no...wait...I tell a lie...about seven months...
"Okaaaaaay...and what's changed tonight then ? Why have you come in tonight rather than say...last night...or a week ago...or even...here's a thought...six months ago?"
Well...as I say...its not getting better ...and I was walking past and saw the lights on...and thought I would just come in...I didn't realise I'd have to wait so long to see someone though...
"Right...well..what have you been taking for the pain ?"
Nothing...I don't like taking tablets do I?
Having established that he had no significant medical history;didn't take any medicines and had no allergies;and that he had a normal blood pressure,I performed a basic neurological exam including checking his optic disc margins.There's nothing obvious I can find...and naturally that worries me a little
"Okay Sir...well...there's nothing obvious that I can find...I don't think that you're having migraines or cluster headaches and your blood pressure is fine...so...I think that you should stop boxing for a while...and make an appointment to see your doctor...this week if possible."
So what...now I've got to go and see my doctor...as well as sitting here for two hours?
"Yes"
Can't you just give me some tablets?
"To be honest...I don't know whats wrong with you Sir...but you can go and buy some pain tablets yourself if you want some...more importantly though... I think you need to see your doctor for a further examination and possibly a referral to a neurologist."
What a waste of time....sitting around here...all those people coughing on me and all those kids crying......no tablets......and now you tell me you don't know whats wrong with me......you're a real arse-burger you are mate...a real arse-burger...
*sigh*
"Well...thank you for setting aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public...because honestly...if I'm an arse-burger...then I'm afraid that makes you a piece of toilet paper."
"Good night now"
Of the 12 patients that I saw between 1730 and 2030 , only three actually needed to be seen.
First off there was the 'usual' daily quota of the three EU-immigrant families who accused me of being racist/uncaring/islamophobe/Australian/running-dog-capitalist-pig/fat because I declined to prescribe antibiotics for their viral illness...and all three families had of course seen their own doctor that same afternoon, and all three doctors had also refused to give them any antibiotics...
Then there were the PFO's ...who had sprained some part of their anatomy,-mostly ankles-, at some point during a weekend of excess and mayhem and who were all convinced had sustained major,life threatening fractures...despite in all cases, dancing the night away on Saturday and Sunday.
My final patient though was a gentleman with a headache.
Now...like most people who work in Emergency departments , I am always cautious about unexplained headaches in an otherwise fit , well and healthy person, particularly those whose headaches are not relieved by normal analgesia.
"Mr Brook? Mr Donny Brook?"
About time mate...I've been waiting two hours to see you...
"Sorry about that Sir...so what can I do for you tonight then ?"
Well...obviously...I was walking past the building on my way to the boxing club...saw the lights on...and thought that I would come in and get my headache sorted out...
"Right...so...how long have you had the headache for then ?"
About...humm...six months...no...wait...I tell a lie...about seven months...
"Okaaaaaay...and what's changed tonight then ? Why have you come in tonight rather than say...last night...or a week ago...or even...here's a thought...six months ago?"
Well...as I say...its not getting better ...and I was walking past and saw the lights on...and thought I would just come in...I didn't realise I'd have to wait so long to see someone though...
"Right...well..what have you been taking for the pain ?"
Nothing...I don't like taking tablets do I?
Having established that he had no significant medical history;didn't take any medicines and had no allergies;and that he had a normal blood pressure,I performed a basic neurological exam including checking his optic disc margins.There's nothing obvious I can find...and naturally that worries me a little
"Okay Sir...well...there's nothing obvious that I can find...I don't think that you're having migraines or cluster headaches and your blood pressure is fine...so...I think that you should stop boxing for a while...and make an appointment to see your doctor...this week if possible."
So what...now I've got to go and see my doctor...as well as sitting here for two hours?
"Yes"
Can't you just give me some tablets?
"To be honest...I don't know whats wrong with you Sir...but you can go and buy some pain tablets yourself if you want some...more importantly though... I think you need to see your doctor for a further examination and possibly a referral to a neurologist."
What a waste of time....sitting around here...all those people coughing on me and all those kids crying......no tablets......and now you tell me you don't know whats wrong with me......you're a real arse-burger you are mate...a real arse-burger...
*sigh*
"Well...thank you for setting aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public...because honestly...if I'm an arse-burger...then I'm afraid that makes you a piece of toilet paper."
"Good night now"
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