"Ms Lhingus ? Ms Connie Lhingus?"
A hard-faced young lady, her bleached-blonde hair scraped back into a greasy ponytail,and who clearly bought her clothes from the 'CheapN'nasty' range at 'Sluts are Us' stood up ,and continuing to talk on her cell phone and chew on some gum,stomped past me into the Unit,accompanied by her gormless looking boyfriend.
Her skirt was so short and so tight that I initially thought she was an OBGYN patient who had wandered in by mistake...indeed,even Julian complained about the echo in the room.
I'm so glad I'm a vegetarian.
"Good afternoon...what can I do for you today?"
Well...obviously...what it is...its this tattoo,innit...
She stuck out her left arm on which was a tattoo of Chinese ideograms that she explained meant 'good fortune'...
Hummh...on her arm , it looked more like it meant 'sweet and sour pork'!
Her arm was red and warm to the touch and visibly swollen...the tattoo was infected.
"Okay...well...you have an infection in that tattoo...when was it done then ?"
Well...yesterday morning...and it started to feel funny last night and then ...this morning... it felt hot...so I phoned my mum...who said to phone the NHS direct people...but then I didn't have any credit on my mobile did I ?...and then I went to the doctors' but they sent me to see you...and my mum said I need to see a plastic surgeon..
"Did she now ? Well...as happy as I am to be guided by your mum's concerns I'm afraid that unfortunately we have to try some other things before we send you to see a surgeon..."
It cost me a lot of money you know...£150...thats all my Social for this week...you've got to sort it out...
"Okay...well...heres a prescription for some antibiotics and for an antibiotic cream...you can get that filled at your local pharmacy...it will take a few days I expect but it will clear up just fine ...but come back in a week and I'll review it and if I am unhappy with the result,I'll send you to the dermatologists..."
A prescription...well...how am I gonna pay for that then? I just spent all my money on the tat' didn't I ?
"Frankly...that's not really my problem...you need the antibiotics...you need to get the money from someone..."
Well I haven't got the money...I already told you...so there...smirking, she says...so what else can I do then Mr Clever Clogs?
"Well...there's a couple of things you can do..."
"Firstly we could cut your arm off...or secondly...you could set your arm on fire...the surgeons would be happy to see you then...or...you could wait for the God-event..."
Whats that then?
"You die and then you don't have to worry about anything...good bye now!!"
Tattoos aren't just for teenagers...they're for life.