First patient of the day is a pale young woman,holding a rubbish bin into which she intermittently vomits-when she is not dry-heaving or talking on her cell phone
"Good day...what can I do for you today?"
Well...its the vomiting...every morning I vomit...its been going on for about 4 weeks now...I don't know whats causing it...
"Okay...any other symptoms...any diarrhoea?...does it burn or is it painful when you pass water?"
No...obviously I have been going to the loo a bit more often...but it doesn't hurt...but my boobs do hurt a bit...
(That 'obviously' again...aarggh)
"Riiiiiiiight...have you put any weight on recently ?
Well...that's quite a rude question !
(And I'm only warming up!)
"Well...I don't mean to be rude...but I do need to know"
Well...I suppose...a bit...since you mention it
"Do you mind if we dip your urine to check for a UTI? And perhaps...just to cover all the bases...but could we do a pregnancy test ?"
A pregnancy test...why do you want to do a pregnancy test...I haven't had sex for about 2 months!!
"Well...I notice that you told the Triage Nurse that you do not use any contraception...is that correct?"
Yes...I meant to have the injection but I've just been soooooooo busy...
"So...when did you last have a period ?"
About 3 months ago...I'm not sure...it was just before I broke up with my boyfriend...
So I haven't had sex for about two-and-a-half months!!
"Right...but did you by any chance have sex two-and-a-half-months AND one-day ago?"
Oh...
Oh...sh*t
"Bless you my child"
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