Friday, 21 November 2008

Hippy-Hippy hand injury

" Mr Anchor ? Mr W Anchor ?"

A young man , dressed in the 2008-concept of what a 1960's hippy used to look like, waves languidly at me whilst playing,-one handed-, on his PSP. Various electronic noises suggest that he is finishing an important level of his retro 'Donkey Kong' game.
He remains fixated on the screen.
Already,- and quite irrationally-, I dislike him.
He has more facial piercings than a Pygmy in a 1930's Tarzan film.

" In your own time there Sir...theres no rush...everybody else here is just waiting for the bus...or sheltering from the rain...and fortunately for me , I'm paid by the hour."

He saunters into the Unit and shows me a swollen and bruised right hand with an obvious boxers' fracture to his fifth meta-carpal.
Its his dominant hand.
He tells me how he was walking back from Bible study and slipped on the ice and 'just landed awkwardly'...somehow injuring his hand.

I manage to fit in the Top Gun "B*llshit" cough whilst filling in the x-ray request form.

"Have you taken anything for the pain ? Would you like anything ? "

No...I don't like putting chemicals into my body...

"Fair enough...Okay...but you do smoke ?"

Yes...but only roll-ups

"And do you drink at all Sir ?"

Well...only at the weekend...only cider really...and sometimes Red Bull and vodka...

"Okaaaaaay...but you don't want to take some paracetamol and neurofen for what is an obviously broken hand ?"

No...never...those tablets are made by capitalist-pig, running -dog multinational drug companies...who are evil , denying ART drugs to the developing world...and every drug is tested on animals and on prisoners in Guantanamo Bay...

Here comes another "B*llshit" cough.

Yes they a look at this pamphlet from Idiots Against Any Form Of Drug Research


After the x-ray is taken and I have discussed the films with the Hand Surgeon on call,who wants to operate today such is the angulation of the meta-carpal , I go and give my ersatz-hippy the good news...

"Okay's the x-ray of your hand...quite a nasty break there in fact...the hand surgeons are keen to operate tonight"

Tonight ?


Well...I've got plans for tonight!!!

"Well ...Sir...its really your choice...I can only offer you an educated opinion...basically its mind- over-matter"

Mind over matter...are you saying I can heal myself then ?

" as , 'I don't mind'....and then you try and complete the sentence to make a well known phrase"

Oh...Okay then ...will I need to be put to sleep?

(I wish!)

"Well...we will give you a anaesthetic of some sort...perhaps what we call a Regional Block...but since you don't like taking I say...that's your decision and its still just mind-over-matter...for me"

Oh...Okay...can I phone my Mum?

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