Crackers

"So...is you daughter allergic to any medicines?"

Ummhh...no

"Okay...."

Ummh...but we think she might be allergic to blue cheese...so we don't give her penicillin...

*Sigh*

Neal's Yard Diary is one of the very best places to buy cheese if you are in London,specifically in Covent Garden or Borough Market.

Ophelia Cheese Wedding cake

And finecheese.co.uk is one of the best online cheese shops...their hampers are stunning and the cheese makes you weep with joy and sigh with pleasure.

And...yes...this is a nursing blog but I'm allowed to diversify...

Crazy comments

And the top three weird comments to me today were:-

Mother to her teenage daughter:-

You’ve been a pain in the arse since the moment you were conceived.

So exactly *how* did that conception work then?

Mother of son with broken arm, to me:-

…well I'm glad it’s broken and that I haven’t wasted three hours sitting here for nothing.

Well you could have helped me complete the Social Services referral.

Distraught young woman who has seen every health care provider in town,to me,at 0805 :-

I've been unwell for 11 months...and you are my last resort.

No....Sun City is the last resort.

One track mind

Saturday evening and the next patient was a 24 year old male holding his thumb in the air above his head in an attempt to stop a wound from bleeding.

He was a university student doing a masters degree.

“Hello…so…what can I do for you today?”

Well…I was using a scalpel…and it slipped and I’ve cut my left thumb…

“A scalpel…okay…can I ask…are you a self-harmer?”

No…no I was cutting some cardboard models…

“Cardboard models…what for?”

My model train layout…for the railway station building…

“Okay…so I‘ll put in the notes that you’re a self-harmer then…that’s got to be less embarrassing for you than “working on my train set on a Saturday evening’”.

Some days I just despair....Part 1

The patient was 21 years old...pretty,plump,poor...but pleasant.

She had a straightforward tonsillitis...but looked exhausted and was a little tearful as I took the history.

"Okay...so what work do you do ?"

I care for my husband...

"Oh...okay...whats wrong with him then?"

He's got dementia...

"Dementia...right...hummh...you're 21...is that correct?"

Yes...

"If you don't mind me asking...how old is your husband?"

He's 53...

"Oh...right..."

We've been together for 7 years...I love him...

"Seven years ...hummh....so you were 14 when you met him?"

Yes...I moved in with him when I was 15...

She smiled shyly.

"What did your parents think about that...?"

Well....they thought he could help me look after them...

...my dad walks with crutches...

...and my mum has a mental illness...

"When did the dementia start to show...?"

Oh...about 4 years ago...when he was 49...

"I see....okay then...why does your dad walk with crutches...?"

I dunno...

"Whats wrong with your mum...?"

I dunno...

"Gosh....well...okay then...are you getting all the help you need to look after your husband...? Are your parents able to help you at all...?"

Well...my parents live with me and my husband now...cos I still care for them as well...

*sigh*

I gave myself a prescription for a large glass of red wine.

And a kit kat.

Dutch researchers revive 115-year-old x-ray machine

Dutch researchers fired up a 115-year-old x-ray machine, comparing its image quality and radiation dose with current technology. They found that the vintage system delivered a radiation dose that's 1,500 times the level of modern x-ray systems.

Despite the higher dose, the researchers said they were impressed that investigators in 1896 -- just a month after Wilhelm Conrad Röntgen's discovery of the x-ray -- were able to build an x-ray machine with parts found in the inventory of a local high school and acquire images that clearly demonstrated human anatomy.

Early x-ray machine developed by Hoffmans and van Kleef.

All images courtesy of the Radiological Society of North America.

The machine was based on the use of Crookes tubes, glass cylinders that generate electrons when voltage is applied.

Early radiographers might have been frustrated with the throughput of the vintage unit: The researchers found that they needed 90 minutes to acquire a hand image, compared with approximately 20 msec for the modern radiography system. What's more, Kemerink and colleagues characterized the x-rays produced by the system as "soft," due to a lack of filtration and other factors.

Images of the hand specimen of an 86-year-old woman obtained with vintage x-ray machine (left) and a modern x-ray system (right). The exposure time with the 1896 system was 21 minutes.

The researchers noted that the high radiation levels produced by early radiography systems often resulted in severe injuries to equipment operators. Health problems reported shortly after Röntgen's discovery included eye complaints, skin burns, and loss of hair. Many operators also experienced severe damage to their hands over time, which sometimes required amputation.

The lead author of the study was Martijn Kemerink, PhD, of Maastricht University Medical Center (Radiology, May 2011, Vol. 258:5)

Read the original article at the Aunt Minnie website at :-

http://www.auntminnie.com/index.aspx?sec=sup&sub=xra&pag=dis&ItemID=94647&wf=4268

Mr Irritated

At the end of the day,I am a simple soul.

Basically I am an optimist....although I have in fact seldom had anything good *actually* happen to me...I really just go to work and try to do my job in a conscientious and ethical manner.

I will care for anyone...its my job...and its that simple.

All I really expect is that you might say "hello" when you sit down in my room.

However there are many, many things that irritate me on a daily basis...taxi drivers;people who don't wipe their sweat off of gym equipment;"fresh" orange juice that isn't;teenagers;the Guardian newspaper;the entire Labour Party;stale crisps;Belgium...and I have a sinking feeling that I am turning into a bitter old man...despite only being 16 years old...well...16 in my head!

So in the middle of a very busy day...short of staff with a 3 hour wait for the patients...and just before lunch...I got to see a lovely 3 year old boy with a viral illness.

Or so I guessed.

When I went out to the waiting room to call the patient,the mother just held the child out to me and said...

...here...here...sick child...sick child...!

Because despite his mother having lived in England for 18 years,she was unable to speak enough English to tell me anything about her child beyond saying ...

He sick...he sick....husband come...husband come...

Sometimes I feel like a vet!

And of course,the husband didn't come to the Unit until she phoned him to say she was ready to go home.

I duly hauled out the Language Line Interpreter card and she pointed to 'Farsi" as her language...we pay about £3 a minute to use the service...

...and so I phoned and spoke to an interpreter...

So here's the thing...I understand that you have a right to your own religion and culture but please...purleeeeze... take some time in 18 freaking years to learn the language of the country in which you live...so that we can look after your child.

Irritated beyond belief I went to lunch...I am doing the 2-bowls-of-Special K a day diet...!!

We just got busier and busier and at about 20h00 I saw another child who had been waiting 3 hours to be seen.

He was from one of the posher areas of town;attended a privileged private school;and they looked like they thought they were slumming it...and were visibly disappointed that I was a nurse and not a doctor.

And asked to see a doctor...

...and were even more sniffy when I told them that there are no doctors working in our Unit..

Anyway...I apologised for the wait and and was immediately met with a torrent of abuse from the mother....demanding to know why they had waited so long to be seen.

I explained that whilst we are a Minor Injuries Unit,that people still come in to the Unit having heart attacks and other serious illness....and that those patients have to be stabilised and then transferred...and that that all takes time...

And that anyway....her child had injured himself the day before...and why had she waited a day before bringing him in for treatment?

We then got to the 'previous medical history' part of the examination...and she proudly...smugly....supercillsioulsy ... told me that her son had not received any immunizations or vaccinations...and that she didn't want him to have a tetanus booster.

*sigh*

More than anything else,this is the single thing that irritates me.

In our fair town at the moment we have had a case of diphtheria...and an outbreak of measles.

I don't know what angers me more ....smug-religion or smug-stupidity.

I really should have stayed in the Foreign Legion.

Biology 101

One of the cleaners wanted some information about her health....

So...you know I've been having all this tummy pain....?

"Yes..."

So...I saw my doctor...and it turns out that I have a cyst on my left ovary...

"Okay..."

And he wants to take out my ovary....

"Okay..."

So....I was just wondering...if I only have one ovary left...does that mean that I will only have a period every two months...?

"No..."

*sigh*

A bird in the hand....

To the Hon Hand Surgeons

Thank you for seeing this patient who is a 51 year old male.

He is unemployed;a smoker;and whilst he is divorced,he still lives with his ex-wife.

He is right hand dominant.

He reports that he has had erectile difficulties for some time despite being on Viagra.

On Saturday night,after having had a shower and whilst watching an episode of Strictly Come Dancing with his ex-wife,he found himself the proud possessor of an unexpected erection.

He was keen to make full use of the erection....and after much begging and pleading and crying, so too,- apparently-, was his ex-wife.

Unfortunately,after a very short time....and before either he or his partner had achieved any full measure of satisfaction and joy and happiness...he lost the erection.

And choose to punch the wall in anger.

He has fractured his (R) 5th meta carpal.

Kind regards

Lucien

The Mummy Returns

One of my colleagues had seen both of these children 3 days before 'the mummy' returned with them...because she was concerned that the antibiotics had not worked completely after 48 hours on the "coffin" child (who was running around the waiting room breaking things,screaming and shouting);and that the younger child had lumps on the tongue.

I had had a GP-Registrar working with me all morning,as part of his training to see what happens in Minor Injury Units.

And we had talked of many things,not the least of which was the children,-and parents-, of our lovely town.

He told me that the Paediatric department at St Vulvas is a highly sought after rotation as they see so many children with unique conditions...and we idly passed 10 minutes wondering why there seems to be a cluster of such weird and very sick patients in our catchment area...

...he believed that its due to inbreeding...not consciously or deliberately...but simply that the locals only seem to breed with each other...and so...at some point....mathmatically....you are going to be having a sexual relationship with a distant relative.

Its difficult to argue with him to be honest.

"Okay....hello kids....what can I do for you this evening then Ma'am?"

Well...what it is...obviously...this one (she gripped the younger child's arm and pulled the child towards me)...has lumps on the back of the tongue....and I showed my social worker...and she said that I had to come to hospital...

"Okaaaaaaaaaaay...lets have a look at the tongue then...open wide...stick your tongue out at me then..."

The child just looked at me.

Oh....that child doesn't speak English..

"I beg your pardon...'doesn't speak English'...why not?"

Well they think there is something wrong with this one...so the social worker taught them all Makaton...

The mother then pulled open the child's mouth and pulled the tongue out...the child squirmed and cried...

It was a completely normal tongue...

There....look at those lumps at the back of the tongue...

"Ja...okay...those are taste buds...so fortunately nothing to worry about then....since I'm guessing the kids mostly get frozen foot or tinned food..."

She looked at me quizzically.

"So...why do you have a social worker?"

Well...what it is...my partner beats me...

"Uh huh...is your partner also their father?"

Yes...

"Okay....so are the children on the Child Protection register ? And...does he see the children?"

Oh he sees them all the time...we live together...

"Right....of course you do..."

Well the social workers think that its the best thing...and he hasn't hit me for a while...we have counselling you know...

"Uh huh...so your youngest child cannot speak English and you live with a guy who beats you?"

Whats it to you what I do...?

"Apart from the ethical,moral,child protection,legal and financial reasons and concerns...it doesn't have that much to do with me I suppose...anyway...I need to phone the duty child protection team to inform them that you are here tonight..."

Okay...

I did.

They confirmed the children are on the CPR because their father is violent.

They were not concerned.

So I wished them all good night and ate my emergency KitKat.

The crisis in Egypt

The new Government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns.

It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquillity and normality.

Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week.